My Horrible Day

Today is the 16th of April 2012,the day I fail my JPJ test due to a really Mean Malay Women somehow I'm sure did most of my driving correctly including the one on the road and going up the hill.But that women did not allow me to pass because she said I was going to touch the white line as I reverse slowly.Somehow I'm sure I will not touch the line because I had many lessons and I have eyes to see the mirror to know how close I am to the white line but luck was not on my side today even doe I pray before I sleep,my arguement with the JPJ was still not good enough so I called my instructor to talk to that women.But as my instructor tried and tried to settle the problem,in return the JPJ women was really mean and rude to my instructor.Eventually the car was driven away by a man that works for the JPJ,and there was no more futher arguement or evidence and so she stamp my papers and 'Fail' me...

That women was really rude to other's Chinese drivers aswell,and to futher makes things worst,the re-take test was going to be held on the 14th of May because of the number of students there...

And I couldn't wait that long so I decided to go on a seach on my own.As soon as I reach home after the test,I walked and asked one after another driving school to find the earliest JPJ test that is available.

And I found 1 particular driving school that can help me with that problem,so the next JPJ test will be held on the 30th of April but on the 29th of April there will be a 2 hour lesson that I will have to attend to...

So I decided to choose that school as I was tired and thirsty after the long arguement between the JPJ.

It was not much of a choice and I cant be picky,but the reason why I rush the date was because of someone.I did it because of someone I love,that someone is my girlfriend Sheau Veon...

I know I have fail her today,I know she is dissapointed that I did not pass,now I am ashamed and sad because of this....

I always wanted to see my girlfriend,
I always wanted to see her smile,
I always wanted to see her laughther,

And I always wanted her to be proud to have someone like me to be with her,

because those are the things that made me feel lucky and grateful to god to have her...

Because the longer I can't see her the more I miss her,and eventually something in my heart will felt lost....

I am willing to walk all the way from my house to meet her

because not seeing her for a week is already hard enough,

And if one day I have my driving lisence then I want to see my girlfriend every week at least once.Even when me or her have nothing to talk about but just seeing her makes me smile and it keep my heart warm with love and joy.

So that's why I am sad because of this,I'm not worried about the money that I will have to pay for the test,just the heart of someone I love....

I feel really sad because I have failed today,the only thing that makes me feel better now is if I tell myself a lie,yes a lie,I kept telling myself that today is not the JPJ test day,and it was just a dream that made me feel this way,my real JPJ test will be on the 30th of April.

Because the truth is so hard to face,I dare not face it myself when many people are on my side today in that arguement,it's like you're putting and inocent man into a jail,how could anyone do that because of your race?Why must Malay people only help back Malay people to pass,why can't they be equal to all?

I fail to believe I did anything wrong when I did the Parking test today because I knew it was what my intructor had taught me,and she taught me the formula that is sure to pass,it's just I don't know why they fail me...

If only my girlfriend was with me right now,I would hugged her so tight and tell her that I'm sad and I need her.
With her,I don't ever wanna look back at the sad things that happen to me,I just want to look forward to the happy things will do together with her in the future...
My girlfriend Sheau Veon is all that I have that remind's me what true love is,
And I need that love,because it makes me strong and brave,it give me hope even when there is non left,
Love is the thing that my BM teacher taught me when I was just form 3,

He said:-
Love makes us strong,
Love makes us do brave things in life that we won't normally do for people,
Without love you are lost,
So harvest it,and don't let it go,
Because to find someone you love,is not easy,once it's gone it's never going to come back,
And when you have love,then learn to feel it...

 
And I have love,
I have someone who cares for me,
I have someone who appeciate me,
And that person is my girlfriend Ng Sheau Veon,the only thing that gives me hope to try and try again...
Even if I fail today,I will try again because of her,I will learn my mistakes and try again,
Because she had not given up on me,so how can I give up so fast?
How could I lie to myself just because I have fail?
Now I see how it all makes sense as I am writing this blog,if only my teacher can see who is this girl that I found
that gave me hope he would have been so proud and happy...

So thank you so much Sheau Veon,you're right when you said ''If I fail now,it does not mean I will fail forever'' you're absolutely right,
I will re-take the test again and again until I pass....
Thank You for giving me hope...
I will not give up and let them win,
I will make you proud..
I love you so much... :)

A Date With My Girlfriend

It was the 11th Of April 2012 and today finally my girlfriend Sheau Veon agree to hold my hands despite of her surrounding and friends that she was with...
It was really a day to remember for me,as we went to Mid Valley together by train that day along with her friends,but upon reaching there both of us agree to be away from her friends so that we may have our own private time together...
After we got separated from the group our date had finally begun and things were not exactly as I have plan because at the beginning we were going to watch 'Titanic'. However the ticket was sold out so there had to be a change in plans,so the first place I brought her was' The Garden Mall' which is located just beside of Mid Valley....
It was not far and it was completely new to her.She was surprise when she first set foot into that new shopping complex as she thought she was still in Mid Valley....
We walked all over the place holding hands together tightly,and occasionally swinging our hands together.To be honest,when she was with me,she really make me feel really happy and proud because I feel that someone special is beside me and I knew that for a fact because I sense that she cares for me and love me and there is something special about her that I cant explain.Also not easily forgotten....

She loves to read books,so I brought her to The Boarders to read,and as she was reading,I place hands around her waist and I told her that ''I hope I will never have to let  you go because I don't want to see the sight of you leaving me''.
She did not replied me,instead it was a moment of silence,so I close my eyes and hold her tightly as she continue to read...

Later,her friend called her and decided to watch a movie while we were there,so together we watch 'The Wrath Of the Titans' and the movie is in fact good and fun,I hold my girlfriend hands tightly throughout the whole movie as her hands were cold and mine we're warm...
I wanted to place my hands around her,but I dint want to interrupt the movie therefore I kept it to myself,somehow her hand ended up in mine as she made the move when she told me she was cold.
And that made me completely shocked.
I quickly hold her hands tightly and whisper ''I'll keep you warm then'' she then she smile back to me in a very sweet way.... :))

After the movie ended,I brought her to The Garden Restaurant to have deserts because she was not hungry even doe we had not had lunch,

We eat,we chat and we laugh altogether,but then she finally told me something that is worth taking notes.She said,.
1.She mention about me infront of her siblings
2.Told me who are her siblings.
3.Told them what I have did for her
4.She is going to introduce me to her parents after her SPM is over
Probably even showed them my pictures I guess.That makes me really happy and oddly surprise in good way because since she have told them about me,I guess I would stand a better chance to meet her family members in the future....O.o

Moving on,after we had our desserts we went back home again by train,while we were waiting for the train to arrive she surprise me even further by telling me that this was her first date and she had never hold any boys hands before because she had rejected many guys and never been in a relationship before...
Which makes me wonder,if she does not have any boyfriend before then why did she place her relationship status to 'In a relationship' in Facebook?O.o I guess one day I'll find out why I guess...

Soon the train had arrive and we got aboard the train and we sat together,while we were on our way back,we watch the sun together.It was a really romantic scene as both of us realize that we have to go home soon...
So I told her, ''1 day I will bring you to watch the sunset together,you just have to trust me on this because I can make it happen''
And gently I kiss her at the cheek and then the moment of silence is back again...
I don't know maybe she is shy,
maybe she is in a shock,
maybe she is blur that time
Whatever it is,I know that I love her deeply and I can rely on her because I think I have found someone that can truly makes me laugh and smile from the bottom of my heart....
I Love her,
It's like an angel came by and showed me she is the one for me...
I guess god has it's plans for everyone..
But just after a few minutes she begin talking again and everything became back normal..

Before we leave each other as we arrived to Sungai Buloh Train Station,I hugged her tightly and told her to work hard in her upcoming exam and I wished her good luck.....
But the truth is,I wanted to tell her ''I LOVE YOU''......
But people there were looking at us so I wanted to make it quick so that I will feel less awkward at that moment,that decision made me regret and sad until today for not telling her ''I LOVE YOU'' before she left....

Now this song just keep playing in my head over and over again,because I wanted to see her again and I miss her so much that even sometimes I feel really sad or depress if I do not get to see her...
Even just for a day I have already started to miss her deeply...

I did not have anything els to do at home,most of the time I don't feel like playing video games,don't feel like reading and I don't even feel like eating...
So I ended up just laying on my bed looking at the picture that we took together,
wondering when I can see her again....

Still,every night before I sleep I will look at her pictures at least once to remind me of the good times I had with her...
And Sometimes if I'm lucky I will dream of her,how I am again once united with her,holding hands,smiling and laughing together...

My Prayers
God please I beg of you please,if I truly love this girl so much will you please-please make her mine?Please allow her be with me,let us be together for a long time....
I don't want to break up with her no matter what happen,if one day I need to sacrifice my own life to safe her then I will do it even doe I have only knew her for only 5 months I am willing to pay that price....
Without her,life is really hollow and empty,I realize that today....
And I am tired of Looking for someone in my life,I just want to settle down and be with this girl and be done for...I don't want to break another person's heart by making another wrong decision...
As I am crying to you now,begging you to grant me this wish as you're watching over me from up above.....I Love Ng Sheau Veon very much,please let her love me too....